Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
