I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Randomize
