dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
