Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
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I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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