i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Randomize