can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
