This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Randomize
