Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Randomize
