Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
