you didnt know i had herpes?
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
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