Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Randomize
