my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
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