HIV tests are more positive than that guy
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
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