im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
Me too!
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Randomize
