either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
