I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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