am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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