You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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