This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
