oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
