jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
that is very illegal...i love you.
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