...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
