I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Randomize