I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
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