I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
