all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
