why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
