So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Randomize
