I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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