I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Randomize
