I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
