Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Randomize
