I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
and you said cock pushups were impossible
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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