Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
