Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Randomize
