Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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