im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Randomize
