the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
