You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
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