ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
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I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
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I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
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