you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Randomize
