i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
