I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Randomize
