She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Randomize
