Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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