I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heβs Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." π ππ·
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