You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
