how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Randomize
