I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
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