he thought i was a dude.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
