Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
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There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
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He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
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