If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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