I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
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