My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
