The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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