After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
