Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
