lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Randomize
