We got so high we made milksteak
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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