This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
My vagina just clenched in fear
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Randomize
