Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
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