sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Randomize
