Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
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