no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Randomize
