you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
