I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize