i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
