Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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