OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
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i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
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The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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