when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Randomize
