If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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