My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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