I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Randomize
