Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
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