The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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