Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
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