no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
